Posted on | March 18, 2012 | 15 Comments

Today, J and I went to a park.  When we arrived, we were the only ones there and the sun was high in the sky.  Rather than sit out in the sweltering heat, we hiked off into the woods and down the trail labeled “Pond.”  It was only about a half mile walk, but we weren’t in any hurry so it took us almost twenty minutes to meander our way through the woods. 

It was a quiet walk, the stillness broken only by the sweet chirps of birds and the crackle of the leaves under our feet.  The trees provided cool shade and for most of the walk, J held tight to my hand, our arms swinging between us.  To be honest, we’d been to the playground several times but had never ventured down the path to the pond because I didn’t expect much from the actual destination.

I was wrong.

We stepped past mud puddles, avoiding rocks and large roots barring the way and eventually rounded a corner into a sweet stillness that surprised me. The trees around us seemed to stretch their arms up and out, welcoming us to the hazy quiet of the clearing.  Ahead of us was a small pond, gilded green with algae and banked with the velvet curling of moss.  It wasn’t much; but it was so much more beautiful than I expected when I set out down the path.

We sat down at a little picnic table and watched the ripples of water trickle like chimes through the still morning,  just J and I.  Perfectly alone and perfectly together.

In an instant it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, this small safety of water was just the reminder I needed of the sweetness of the life I am now living.  Beauty, unexpected, can occur when you least expect it, where you least imagine it, and where you never believed it would be.

Almost one year ago, I learned that my life as I knew it, my marriage as I thought it had been, was over.  Almost one year ago, I gripped the hand of my son and set off down the unkempt and leaf-littered path marked only “Single Mother.”  I was in no hurry.  I was unaware of what lay ahead for us, only that we were moving, slowly but surely, towards something new.  I never expected it to be beautiful.  I never expected it to be so comfortingly calm, so soothingly soft, so newly normal.

The life that we have carved out here, this small corner of our world, is breathtakingly beautiful and perfect in it’s unexpectedness.  

When we took those first steps, I was shaky.  My knees threatened to give out, my eyes bled with tears;  but we moved forward. Even when it felt like we were only spinning, we still spun forward.  Forward; closer to the end result, closer to the stillness, the sweetness of our life now… perfectly J and I, perfectly together.

We didn’t linger long at the edge of the pond, J wanted to return to the playground and the soon-to-be chaotic, boisterous roar of children.  But before we left, I snapped a picture, a reminder that beauty can explode into your life when and where you least expect it.  One moment, I was struggling along, muddling down a muddy path and feeling the tug and scratch of branches alongside me, wondering how I would ever survive without him.  Then in an instant, in a blink of a moment, I realized I am still, gazing out on the hazy mist of my life and realizing something amazing…

It is perfect.

Even without him.

Or maybe perfect, simply because he is no longer there.


15 Responses to “Perfection”

  1. Jana A (@jana0926)
    March 18th, 2012 @ 5:07 pm

    This is simply perfect!

  2. Lawmomma77
    March 19th, 2012 @ 9:23 am

    So are you, friend!

  3. Jackie Henson
    March 18th, 2012 @ 9:58 pm

    every time you post it hits home for me & opens my eyes to I am not the only one walking this path & figuring out the unknown that comes with being a single parent & going through a divorce & finding yourself through it all. thank you for that law momma, it means the world :0)

  4. Lawmomma77
    March 19th, 2012 @ 9:23 am

    You are SO not alone. We’re all in this together… all us single mommas. It’s a struggle but ohmigosh is it beautiful, too. You are doing something amazing, promise!

  5. Brandy @mannlymama
    March 19th, 2012 @ 8:38 am

    Awesome post. Just glorious.

  6. Lawmomma77
    March 19th, 2012 @ 9:22 am

    Thank you so much… felt good to write!

  7. TheNextMartha
    March 19th, 2012 @ 9:18 am

    You are a master of beautifully strung together words. Love it

  8. Lawmomma77
    March 19th, 2012 @ 9:22 am

    You are too sweet to me. Thank you!

  9. MaconMom
    March 19th, 2012 @ 1:26 pm

    You make me want to slow down (even if for a minute) and make these connections. I think I live in survival mode most of the time and that’s the way I planned or enviosioned it to be.
    Thanks for giving me a moment to pause…

  10. Lawmomma77
    March 19th, 2012 @ 3:01 pm

    I know what you mean. It’s so hard to just take time to… I dont’ know… breathe? But sometimes those are the very best moments. 🙂 Thanks for being a part of the boisterous roar of children back at the playground! 🙂

  11. Julia
    March 20th, 2012 @ 4:24 pm

    Your words are always so stunning. Beautiful post.

  12. IS78
    March 20th, 2012 @ 8:25 pm

    This is lovely.

  13. Lawmomma77
    March 22nd, 2012 @ 8:55 am

    Thank you. I feel like I’m coming out of a coma… this past year has been so strange.

  14. @bleueyedmonster
    March 22nd, 2012 @ 1:05 am

    I have been following your blog/twitter feed for almost 2 years now. I am not really the gushing comment sort, really.
    You have been so inspiring to me, tho, I am nominating you for the Versatile Blogger award! I’m pretty sure it’s not something recognized by some organized body of blogging professionals, or anything, but it’s fun, if you’d like to participate! Check my blog for more info:

  15. Lawmomma77
    March 22nd, 2012 @ 8:55 am

    Thank you so much!!! I really appreciate it. 🙂

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