On Blogging (and stuff)

Posted on | October 23, 2012 | 17 Comments

It feels like it’s been ages since I sat down and stared at the black and gray world of WordPress and my little slice of the Internet… even though it’s only been about a week.  Funny that seven days can feel like an eternity… guess that’s how the whole creation story makes the most sense?

I digress.

Things have been good in my corner of the boxing ring… I’ve started running three or four times a week and I gotta tell you… it’s so freaking therapeutic.  There’s nothing in the world like grabbing my keys mid-day and going to the gym to pound out footsteps on a treadmill while Petey Pablo reminds me that I’m doing it for North Carolina. (Come on and raise up!) It’s become my therapy, my outlet for the crazy that lives in my head.  And it has ultimately reminded me that I’m shirking a lot of my other outlets, a lot of my other responsibilities, a lot of my other jobs that I juggle not-so-gracefully.  I stepped away from this place because it was becoming too much for me; I couldn’t separate myself from the comments, mean or kind, there or not there.  I couldn’t separate myself from the constant refreshing of a feed to see if anyone was reading, to see if anyone cared.

And my work was slipping.

And my life was slipping.

The thing is, I write here because I love to write.  I assume that people read what I write because they either know me, like what I have to say, or keep thinking that one day I’m going to go the full on crazy that some posts seem to promise is just around the next corner of my life.  I want to continue to write here because I love to write, not because I am trying to get a book deal, or land advertisers, or review the next great book/product/something.  Not that there’s anything at all wrong with bloggers who do those things.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with following your dreams.

But there is something so very wrong with following your dreams to the detriment of your reality.  And by putting all of my time and energy into this space, I was running out of things to give to the rest of my life.

Here’s the real scoop: I’m an attorney.  I’m a single mom.  I live in a three bedroom two bath house with a yard that I mow and tend myself.  I do not have a housekeeper. Or a cook. Or a butler. I have a three year old child who demands most if not all of my attention.  My closest family lives over an hour away and my parents live approximately six hours north by car.  I am the only attorney who specializes in my field in our entire office and I’m responsible for a case load of approximately 200 cases with assistance from a kick ass team of people who make me look good on the reg.  I cook once or twice a week. I schedule weekend playdates with friends and their kids.  I run three or four times a week. I read novels. I have a DVR that is full to the brim with television shows I may never watch. And yeah, I blog.

The real scoop is, I just don’t have time for all of the things that I do.

But look at that list and tell me what I can give up.  Pull three things off the list that won’t leave me a slave to everyone but myself.

It can’t be done.

Ultimately, I was getting to the point where I resented my decision to write here, resented the success of people who rightfully achieve it in this internet world, resented the lack of comments, the lack of readers.  I was one big ball of resentment toward something I used to love.  Because it had become another job, and because, let’s face it,  the last thing I need is another ball to juggle.

So let’s be clear on what’s going to happen from here on out… for both of our sakes… I’m going to write when I want to write. I’m going to stop pressuring myself to say something important or meaningful or epic. I’m going to write when I have the time to write.  I’m giving up on being a “blogger” and just doing what I do best… writing.  I’m just going to write… for me.

And I hope you’ll still come around to read… for you.


17 Responses to “On Blogging (and stuff)”

  1. Jess
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 12:24 pm

    Hi friend.

  2. Law Momma
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 2:39 pm

    Hello, love! 🙂

  3. Alena
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 1:13 pm

    Trust me, when you do this….it’s REALLY freeing. I can’t handle the pressure of trying no to fail at something else, when I feel like I am failing or barely not failing at so many more important things.

  4. Law Momma
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 2:42 pm

    This is exactly it. I can’t handle being a failure at this, too! 🙂

  5. Jelena
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 1:38 pm

    I have been following your blog for a couple of months I guess and really enjoy your writing and admire all the juggling you do. I am an occasional blogger and it feels great to write only when you really feel like it and because it is another thing on the ever growing to-do list.

  6. Law Momma
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 2:42 pm

    amen to that. And as working moms, that’s the LAST thing we need.

  7. Etosia M
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 1:42 pm

    I’ve only commented on a couple of posts because I read through google reader when my (almost) two year old allows me to have a moment to myself. But when I do have time to open my reader and I see a post from you I save it for last and come back to it after I’ve read all the smiles, crafting, baking, life is grand picture shows because your honesty and humor are the best. Its what matters. I appreciate your real ness and am happy to hear that you now have another outlet. It’s nice to step away from the computer and social media and just live and do without feeling like you HAVE to document everything! I’ll still be reading!

  8. Law Momma
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 2:42 pm

    Thanks so much for reading!!! And yeah… it’s definitely not all smiles over here.

  9. kristinayellow
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 7:26 pm

    I think your best writing has been the posts that you have written for you–the ones that that connected with me as a reader are the ones where your honesty and passion shine through. Thank you for sharing your honesty and your life here-and if you need a break or feel like it’s not a great time or whatever, know I’ll keep checking in from time to time so that when you are ready again, I can continue to follow your journey. HUGS

  10. Liz
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 7:50 pm

    As a fellow attorney and mom of a 3 year old, I like reading your blog, and I will echo the other commenters who said that your writing is best when you write for yourself. Keep writing, when you, when you want to. Plenty of us are here to listen.

  11. Catherine Ezzo
    October 23rd, 2012 @ 8:56 pm

    Law-Momma! Good for you. Follow your bliss, whereever it may lead you. I am inspired by your determination to do what is right for you, not for others, as I wrestle with my own dilemmas about my job, my children, and my marriage. It takes courage and faith to do what is hard, and you have both. May you find peace and energy doing what you love as you nourish that part of yourself that is just for you!

  12. Diann
    October 24th, 2012 @ 9:20 am

    I’ve read your blog religiously for a year and a half but have never been able to make comments because of stupid
    IE8. Except NOW I have Google Chrome and Voila!
    Love your blog, you are a great writer. I’ll read whatever you have time to post. You do you! 🙂

  13. Lola M.
    October 24th, 2012 @ 3:28 pm

    Good for you for choosing yourself first.

  14. Stacey Levin-Esar
    October 24th, 2012 @ 3:36 pm

    I want you to know that although I rarely comment on your posts, I faithfully read them whenever they appear. (email subscriber)

    And I love them.

  15. Jana Anthoine
    October 24th, 2012 @ 6:32 pm

    I’ll be right here. You know that. That’s pretty much my MO these days. Writing when I want, what I want.

  16. Delia
    October 24th, 2012 @ 11:17 pm

    I read because I like to hear what you have to say. It may make me laugh, get angry for you, shake my head or even cry. But that’s what good writing does. Keep at it – but only to the point that you’re still doing it for you.

  17. sharmstro
    October 28th, 2012 @ 11:45 am

    Take care of yourself. I have often wondered how you managed to do it all. Also? I’ll still be here reading even if I don’t always comment.

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    Spilled Milk (and Other Atrocities) by Law Momma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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