Comfortably Single

Posted on | May 23, 2013 | 9 Comments

I know a lot of divorced moms.

It’s a  bonus of writing about, well, BEING a divorced mom and mostly I’ve really enjoyed getting to know these amazing women and celebrating in their accomplishments post marriage.  But one of the drawbacks has been that thing that all women deal with… competition. Only with most of the women I know, it’s not so much of a competition as it is me feeling on occasion that there was a “how to handle divorce” memo that never made its way to me.  See, the majority of the women I know who got divorced around the same time as me, are in serious relationships.

Some have already remarried.

Some are getting engaged.

Some are just happily tied to another person without any need for rings of any kind.

Me? I am still just me.

Sure, I’ve been out on dates.  Sure, I’ve spent a few weeks or months here or there alongside a guy or two (not at the same time), but no one has really set up shop in my life or my heart.  No one has made it impossible for me to say “no thank you” and move along.  And I’ll admit, I went through a hell storm process of thinking I needed that to establish that I was desirable post-divorce, that I was still attractive and still someone that men would even want to date.  I went through the online dating thing (gag… sorry… just NOT for me) and the look at every man’s ring finger thing, and even the “why don’ t my friends set me up” thing … but those all passed.  And now I find myself in an unfamiliar yet oh so happy place of being, just… well… comfortable. I am comfortable with being single.

I am comfortably single.

I have a routine that works for J and I.  I have a job that works for J and I.  I have a life that just flat out works for J and I.

And it’s so comfortable that I balk at disrupting it.  It’s so comfortable that I wonder if there’s ever going to be anyone who makes me WANT to shake things up… someone who would make me agree to shell out the money for a babysitter and spend hours away from the life I’ve grown accustomed to.

Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice, I think, in some ways.  I would love for someone to fit seamlessly into this life we’ve created, causing no ripples or waves or currents of destruction. But I’m just not so sure it’s possible. I worry that a third person would stand out like a sore thumb, the awkward angled addition that isn’t really all that necessary to the little family I love… the little family of me and J.

I am just so comfortable with being alone with my family.

I am comfortable with my life as it stands, as it ticks by, as it whirls and swirls around me in fits of little boy shoes and day after day of Popsicles and Lunchables on the front porch. I’m comfortable with who I am, with where I am, and even, on most days with what I look like.  I am just… comfortable.

I think it’ll take someone pretty amazing to get me out of this comfort zone and honestly? I’m not sure he exists.



9 Responses to “Comfortably Single”

  1. ShannonStanlee
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 9:10 am

    I’m glad to read I’m not the only person that feels this way. Taking time away from my son, so I can date doesn’t sound like something I want to do.

  2. Law Momma
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 9:17 am

    It just feels strange! I told a friend once that paying for nookie is dirty and by being a single mom, I basically have to pay someone to watch my kid so I can go try to um… connect… with someone else. I just can’t do it. It feels weird.

  3. Alena@ Simply Complicated Life
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 9:21 am

    If you find someone who fits seamlessly’ll be ready for it. If someone comes a long who fits as if he was always there, you’ll be ok with it. But don’t settle for anything but that. Don’t give up a life you love, for a life that makes you even a little uncomfortable. If you don’t find him, just live the life you love fully and don’t wait for him! You’re rocking the hell out of this life!

  4. Law Momma
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 9:24 am

    Thanks, friend. I needed to hear that it’s possible to find someone who doesn’t ruffle the edges too much. 🙂 Xoxoxo

  5. Type A Nightmare
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 12:09 pm

    Funny that you wrote about this today. B has been out of town since Sunday and I was just thinking about how much more smoothly this week has gone. E and I have fallen into a more much scheduled routine. There is less laundry, fewer dishes, less mess in general. (I appreciate the company and finances he adds to the mix, but if I’m honest, it’s mostly the finances because I’m usually so busy with E that I don’t get to enjoy the company). So… I’m not sure if those are good thoughts or awful thoughts… nonetheless… I totally could see your point of view, in that I think I would feel that way too… Like, you’re welcome to hop aboard and enjoy this greatness but don’t mess up anything or change anything, because this… it works. 🙂

  6. Law Momma
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 12:40 pm

    EXACTLY!!! You’re welcome to participate but follow my lead and don’t screw it up.

  7. Lola M.
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 4:29 pm

    You said just what I’ve been thinking the last few weeks – only better. I’m six years out and I’m thinking he doesn’t exist … for me. But I’m ambivalent at this point … sometimes.

  8. KathyT
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 9:39 pm

    I TOTALLY agree with you on this one! I am 8 years out now and I still do not regret staying single.
    I thought I would feel incomplete, but I don’t. My daughter and I have such an amazing relationship because she is *it* for me. I also have the creeper paranoia of bringing home someone I thought was wonderful only to have him harm my (gorgeous 12 year old) baby in any way. It would be jump off a cliff devastating for me.
    I get great relationships from my family and my girlfriends, then I get to go home and have my own personal space and my own routine with my daughter. Maybe I am selfish, but it is pretty stinkin awesome!

  9. Jennifer Warner Prewett
    May 29th, 2013 @ 2:15 am

    I would love to be able to say I was “comfortably single”. 🙁

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