One True Thing

Posted on | March 12, 2014 | 2 Comments

Dear J:

From the moment you were born, I loved you. I loved every last part of you… even when you cried. Even when you pooped and peed everywhere. Even when you and I both went seemingly days on end without the slightest hint of sleep.

Because you were mine and you were heart-breakingly special to me.

As you got older and your personality began to shine through, I loved every last part of you. Even when you cried. Even when you threw temper tantrums and had potty training accidents…. sometimes, yes, on purpose. Even when you climbed into my bed, night after night, encroaching on solid nights of sleep for both of us. You’d look up at me with those blue-green eyes and I’d be lost to say no, lost to say anything at all. I’d just smile and throw my arms around you.

Because you were mine and I loved you to the ends of the earth and back again.

These days, you’re becoming your own person. You have these endearing little idiosyncrasies that make you totally you. You do things differently than I would, you do things differently than maybe I think you should. You don’t always listen… you don’t always think the clothes I lay out for you adequately represent the you that you want to be to your friends and your teachers. You don’t always think I adequately represent the you that you want to be. Some days we don’t see eye to eye on anything at all. You are both your father’s son and my son and you are all over the place at any given moment. Sometimes I think I’m too soft on you. Sometimes, I think I’m too hard. There are moments when you cry and my world shatters for having been the cause of it, and there are moments when I want to throw up my hands and run as far and as fast away as possible because my son, you and I just… well… we push each others buttons don’t we? There are times I want to shake you and say “No! Don’t do that… do it this way!” There are times I want to save you from the path you’re maybe inadvertently stepping out onto… times when I bite my tongue and hide my face and just let you be.

Because, sweet boy you are no longer just mine.

You are also yours.

Because no matter what I say, no matter how I react, no matter what expectations I may have in my head for the person you will be or the things you will accomplish, I need you to know one very special, one very important, one very true thing:

I will always, always, ALWAYS love you.

As long as you are you, you can always know that I am 100% behind whoever that is. No matter what silly things I say or think or do now or in the future. No matter what else… I love you.

Just as you are. Just as you will be.

Just because you are you.


2 Responses to “One True Thing”

  1. Alecia Barbee
    March 13th, 2014 @ 12:50 pm

    I can totally relate to this post. I love watching my almost 10 year old discover himself….I am also terrified of watching him discover himself. My mantra lately has been….he’s got to discover who he wants to be and I have to love him no matter what! And I totally do! He’s awesome.

  2. Roxanne Piskel
    March 17th, 2014 @ 10:43 pm

    This is beautiful, LM.

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